To the right or to the left... in Congress they mean which side of the aisle you're on. On land they dictate which blinker you turn on. But on the water - on the bay or on the ocean (exclusive of inland waterways) they mean nothing. On the water if you turn that spoked wheel to the right, you're turning degrees to starboard - and if you go the other way, you're clicking off compass points to port.

The terms actually began before Columbus, with open boats that never could go out of sight of land. In those days, the boat's rudder - a plank that drags in the water and controls the boat's direction - was located on the right-hand side of the boat. Reason: Most of those steering the boat were right handed, and when they sat facing the bow their favored hand would be on the rudder, or "steer board," as it was then called.

Naturally you wouldn't want to dock your boat with the "steer board" against the pilings or pier, because the action of the water would push the boat against the dock and break the board off. So you docked with the other side against the dock - which became the side against the port, or "port side."

And sailors, as sailors are fond of doing, changed the pronunciation of "steer board" to "starboard." Thus, even when the rudder was moved from the boat's side to the stern for greater efficiency, the right side of the boat continued to be called the "Starboard" side. From that day to this, the names of the sides stuck, and you'll get a funny look on a ship if you refer to these directions by any other names.